Lyrics

I can’t make this up—

(and I’m afraid it’s true)

I should stop myself when I think of you

but you’re always in my line of view

Now we’re headed to the show with our friends

and I’m trying to play it cool again

focus my eyes on the dashes and lines

as I try not to drive off into the shoulder

But I can’t forgive how you made me feel

like I wasn’t real—

when you said you were lonely, that’s what really hurt me

as if I wasn’t here the whole time, hanging with you.

I’ve got girls who wanna shoot their shot

give me their numbers in the parking lot

I’ve got people waiting in line

but I still take my time,

Because every little thing I do

I do it all for you

wish it wouldn’t be this way

but the feeling won’t go away,

and if I really loved you, I’d want you happy,

so what the hell is wrong with me?

I can’t make this up—

(I wouldn’t, anyway)

you were leaning hard on the top of my car

and I swear I saw that glint in your eye

And I cried when I saw your new cowboy boots

can’t you see I’m hung up on you?

Wanna stare at the floor when I talk to you

but then I see those goddamn shoes

I try to push it away

I try again and again

but the feeling is taunting me,

it's impossible to breathe

I try to push it away

I try again and again

but your memory’s haunting me,

and I can't catch my breath

I hate it when you’re on the phone

and I hate it when you leave me alone

I try to tell you how I feel,

but I don’t think that you believe me…

Because every little thing I do

I do it all for you

wish it wouldn’t be this way

but the feeling won’t go away,

and if I really loved you, I’d want you happy,

so what the hell is wrong with me?

Had to cross the street

to jump my friend’s car

parked way out in the road

hoped it wouldn’t take too long

Had to call my grandma up,

I know she doesn’t have too long—

still I’m rushing to the end

of the phone call

I have too much to get done today

to let this shit to get in my way.

Neighbor stops to say,

“hey, what a beautiful morning”

I nod along, then I cross the street

next time I see him coming

Had to get some air

from a party that won't end

the host is looking at me weird

don’t think they’ll have me back again

I am so tired of people and places

I am too busy trying to shrink down to my smallest shape

to take the time that it takes to engage

I’m afraid I will always be this way.

Cried in the bathtub for the dozenth time

and it hurts, blood on the porcelain

reminds me I’m alive.

Don’t make a pretty ghost;

I’m made of stone.

Don’t wanna talk about it,

don’t want to let it be free

it’s inside me

and I don’t have the strength to fight.

Always ready, you’ve learned to anticipate

got my pocket full of pills, pocket full of pills

to get me through the day.

Conditioned to conceal

I’m made of steel.

Don’t wanna talk about it,

don’t want to let it be free

it’s inside me

and I don’t have the strength to fight.

Why bother choosing what I know I’ll never get?

How much is too much? Have I hit my limit yet?

Well did you wanna play with your friends?

Did you wanna see how the movie ends?

What makes you think that you deserve to feel human?

So you crawl back to your bed

with a pain that makes the colors bend

and save your strength to pretend again & again & again—

Don’t wanna talk about it,

don’t want to let it be free

it’s inside me

and I don’t have the strength to fight.

Avoid the mirror

avoid the question

if it isn’t mentioned,

it’s almost like it isn’t happening—

Put your hands where I can see ‘em

I’m gonna take you down

before you put us both in the ground.

Julie

I don't wanna talk

all you do is whine, whine, whine

about your man, it's the same old line

Julie

I don't wanna talk

all you do is cry-cry, cry-cry

about your boyfriend, he's behind in the times

Julie

I don't wanna talk

J-j-j-julie

I don't wanna talk, t-talk, no more--

Julie

cut your hair

like the cool girls do it

Julie

see if I care

I never think about you when I do it

Julie

I don't wanna talk

J-j-j-julie

I don't wanna talk, t-talk, no more--

Julie

so pretty in your party dress

out of place at the protest

gonna make you mine

Julie

break up with your boyfriend

I haven't got the time-time, time-time

to wait for him to make up his mind, oh!

Julie

I don't wanna talk

J-j-j-julie

I don't wanna talk, t-talk, no more--

Julie

I just want to love you

J-j-j-julie

I just want to love you!

(Lyrics by Kim Lowney).

Kim is not mine anymore

(fucking whore)

just a girl that I adored

(nevermore).

Said that she would never leave me

but I see her heading for the door

she said "you can always believe me"

she lied, what a bore–

Kim is not mine anymore

(fucking whore)

just a girl that I adored

(nevermore).

She don't wanna talk about it

she don’t want to fight with me no more

she says that there's no way around it

that we keep fighting just to even out the score

Kim is not mine anymore

(fucking whore)

just a girl that I adored

(nevermore)

Kim is not mine anymore

just a girl that I adored.

And I'm sick without you here.

I'm sick without you here.

Now that I've found you,

I've gotta wrap my arms around you

sick without you here.

Talking on the phone for several hours

caught me up in your strange powers

I can't wait to see you

so happy when I'm near you

I'm dying over you,

you're dying missing me, too.

I know you're gonna get back to your glory

gonna look back, it's just a chapter of the story

I'm gonna see you through it

I know that you can do it

I'm dying over you,

you're dying missing me, too.

You're my limb, you're my brother.

You say “things are going great,

things are going fine”

you two are constantly together

you say “it’s almost like he reads my mind”

“And we’re comfortable with silence,

in fact it happens all the time”

and you don’t need other friends

because you live inside your heads— you call him,

Mind reader, guess he couldn’t read your mind this time

you two were always so in sync, now you’re finally misaligned.

So you go out to a movie

and you go out to a show

and you don’t confess what you’re feeling

you just assume he knows

But if you never open your mouth to speak

then how he’s gonna know what you’re thinking?

you’re stuttering, stammering, blinking

Mind reader, guess he couldn’t read your mind this time

you two were always so in sync, now you’re finally misaligned

Sad sucker, got you patiently waiting in line

didn’t you hear you got passed up? Well we wish you better luck next time.

You say "things are going great,

things are going fine"

you think he’ll say it any minute

you say he’s leaving you little signs

You’re just an idiot girl in a fantasy world

you didn’t want to read the signs

you’d rather wait for him to read your mind—

Make a decision to let it all go,

then pick it right back up again

and you can say “we’ll have to see where this thing goes”

but in your mind you know you’re just good friends

fingers worrying, fraying the mend

but you’re running out of patches, running out of threads

Mind reader, guess he couldn’t read your mind this time

you two were always so in sync, now you’re finally misaligned

Just a placeholder, as he’s racing backward in time

you didn’t hear the pistol kick, your feet are still stuck on the starting line—

'Cuz you swooned, and you sighed

got your hopes so high

you were sick, sick, sick in the night

And you can plead, you can bleed

but you’re feeding a lie

ain’t it time that the fantasy died?

So you sever the lines

it’s okay, you’ll be fine,

you’re just giving up half of your mind

So what the hell’d you expect?

SO WHAT THE HELL DID I EXPECT?

Mind reader, but he couldn't read my mind this time.

I'm not changing for the better, so we

might as well get back together, baby

Doo doo doo doo, baby

I'm not much for my personal growth

I took a swallow of that koolaid and almost choked, oh baby

Doo doo doo, baby.

I know that you're looking, 'cuz l've seen you 'round town

And I know that your prospects must be getting you down, oh baby

Doo doo doo doo, baby

I'm just looking for my new home

rather be unhappy together than happy alone, oh baby

Doo doo doo doo doo, baby.

If I could have you back

why take another tack?

I just can't get over you baby

get over you, baby!

Why should we both be polite

when all we like to do is fight?

I'm ready to put me on the lin

Oh, baby, give me one more try--!

I'm not changing for the better...

might as well get back together.

I'm a different person

I swear this time, it's worth it

Oh! Come back to me, baby.

Come back to me, baby!

Been waking up early

it’s nice to have some time that’s just for me in the morning

take my coffee on the rusted old bridge

and watch the birds fly in their military formations

Been waiting for your call

instruct myself that I should not expect that much at all

now here you are, my friend

you’ve come to prove me wrong then prove me right again.

You were not well, nor necessary

I try to only lift as much as I can stand to carry

water will rush in, it’s the only thing we can rely on

I lost something of me when I lost your shoulder to cry on. 

Each day I don the work shirt

I’ve streamlined every minute of my half-an-hour commute

trained myself to say hello, how-do-you-do

and no one will know that I am thinking of you

I try to be light-footed

try to be nimble, and not look too haunted

but then you go and knock me down again

I lost myself, I go to pieces—

I was not well, nor necessary

you said I was the thing you could no longer stand to carry

water will rush in, it’s the only thing we can rely on

I lost something of me when I lost your shoulder to cry on—

Next time I see you I’ll just keep walking. 

You were not well, you were not well, you were not well—

and I was not well.

It’s such a picture perfect day

in the sky, not a hint of gray

but the birds don’t sing

The plane is lying on its side

It reminds me of a dead whale

and the fishtail is sticking straight up in the sky

Hundreds died, but somehow

you and I survived.

I try hard to start, but never figure it out

stomach called my bluff, I get dressed in the dark

I’m trying to be around, I’m trying to show you I care

I’m turning to tell you something but now you’re not there.

There is a window at eye-height

as I work I can look outside

at the traffic light

The cars all stop and take their time

and they wait for their turn in line

and they’re so polite, unless they don’t feel like it this time—

You will die, and somehow

I must stay alive.

I’ve been up all night trying to figure it out

make my ritual, prepare my back for the breaking

because if I can crack this code then I can keep you safe

and when I finally figure it out, you’ll be the first that I tell.

I can feel we're on the edge of something

I can feel it in your breath

the butterfly meets the windshield

such a pretty, violent death.

I'm tired of playing angel

I'm sorry for being honest

I know I can be selfish

I know this is you trying your hardest.

Hold me close

and kill me slowly

I wanna know, but I don't wanna know.

Another evening, wasted

watching ants drown in the sugarbowl

he's getting high in the backroom, and now

I'm breaking down in the bathroom

my love, it's taking a toll.

I can feel I'm on the edge of something

I can feel it nearing

you were dying in a dream

it felt so real to me

I left the window open–

(we had rushed you to the hospital)

when I got home there were hundreds of moths, flying around the room

was like standing in a snow globe

Gotta let go because I love you

gotta trust you wanna stay alive

loosen my grip on you

we both deserve better.

Hold me close

and kill me slowly

I wanna know–

I know you're trying your hardest.